After being fucked around by a bunch of shitty dudes, Kate McAvoy of 1 Year of Single gave them up. Yep, no dating for 12 months.
In the midst of being dude-free, the New York local started an Insta account, which shares her poignant, cheeky and always honest thoughts on relationships, and of course, living an amazing life, minus man.
I interrogated her.
What sparked 1 Year of Single?
I had the most brutal breakup four or five years ago. Not physical, just heartbreaking. I was raised to believe that I was valueless unless I was married.
For years I dated boneheads because they didn’t scare me like good guys did – handsome, well-maintained, smart men really scared me.
Nothing ever worked out. Yet, I was always left with the feeling that it was my fault – like I wasn’t good enough for them – yet I also knew they were essentially only a few levels above trash.
I knew I shouldn’t have involved myself, but friends convinced me otherwise. ‘Come on, he’s not like so-and-so’. So I dove. And yes, Mr McDreamy went back to his cheating wife.
I was so grossly fried from my past. I was crushed and angry at myself for focusing more on my mother’s pathological need to marry me off than my own hopes and dreams.
I was having a problem getting over McDreamy-turned-married-guy, so I started the blog to focus on my journey and help others.
Why 1 year?
I believe folks need to heal for at least a year after a serious relationship. I wanted to stop doing the things that I knew I was doing that focused on men and relationships, and find myself.
I had no idea who the hell I was. I think people need to go full-calendar – all the holidays single – before they jump into something else. I didn’t feel free from thinking about relationships for months after I created 1 Year of Single.
Had I only done a few months, I would have been right back in the same stupid pattern of spending all my time looking for a man.
What was the year like?
By the time that official one-year mark hit, I was all, ‘Oh it did? I didn’t even notice!’
That year was me. All me. Well, no, that’s a lie. It was my son and me. But any single mum knows that’s still stellar. And that’s still me.
Now I can honestly say I finally, finally allow myself to embrace that I’m so much more happy single than I am when I’m with someone.
What advice do you have for women going through a break up?
Shit, this touches on all the things I’ll have on my site, as well as what’s coming up in a book. Essentially you want to:
- Erase him from your life. That means delete and block phone numbers. Delete and block friends’ phone numbers. Delete and block from social media. Everywhere.
- Avoid the shit out of him. I was just telling someone that I had to walk down different hallways at work.
- Make a list of all the things you wanted to do when you found someone, and then go do them yourself.
That’s a good start!
What helped you through your breakup?
LMAO Netflix. I’m not even kidding. Netflix helped me stop thinking about him. It preoccupied my brain with hopes and dreams. It was awesome. The other thing that got me through the breakup was 1 Year of Single.
Every time I was angry or sad, I’d write an original quote. And since I’m an old-school award-winning writer, when my head’s not up my ass, I had some pretty good shit over there.
She does. See it here.
art by Jade Foo